Elementera Insanity

More poetry

2009-03-11T20:13:01Z

I'm not sure if I like the title or not...

A Child’s Voice

I shall not lie down and become your idol,
to bear the burden of your hopes and dreams.
I shall not lie down and become your vessel,
To be filled up with your fears and screams.

I am my own persona,
no golem of blood and bone.
I shall not walk in your footprints,
I must blaze a path of my own.

I do not ask you to lead me forward,
show me how to walk with purpose instead.
I ask you not to feed my soul or sense of self,
Rather teach me the means to keep both fed.

This is no easy task I ask of you,
to be a guide but not to lead.
I ask only that you walk at my side,
support, not relief, is what I need.

You are my source, my font, my home,
Yet what I build must be my own.
Teach and guide and share and love,
Have faith in me and what you’ve sown.

"Playing to Learn"... the things that get battered around im my head.

2009-03-02T21:06:07Z

Anthropology teaches us that the limits of human knowledge and learning are actually increased by learning from the experiences and examples of others.

Educational models and statistics show that the majority of us learn faster in true collaborative situations where learning comes in the form of give and take.

Playing games can teach us a variety of things, dependant on the type of game. Anything from social interaction to logic and problem solving can be learned through the course of playing.

This brings me to World of Warcraft, which is by nature and design a collaborative game wherein players have the option of learning from the experiences and examples of others or exploring and learning on their own. Within the game, specifically "End Game Content", players who have learned to play at least one defined role are thrust into a collaborative setting (ie. the raid) with at least one common goal (defeat the boss and get da' lootz!). The players must then take their individual experiences and while playing with one another, learn how their fellow players in their specific roles can contribute to the end goal and how this all mixes. Groups that do this with a certain degree of success reach their common goal and receive their reward(s). Those who aren't able to do this wipe. Regardless of the results, each individual can now take what they have just learned through their success or their failure and then apply it both to themselves and to the roles taken by the other players.

Within the bounds of the game, the players learn and have fun doing it (players who don't have fun, don't remain players). So my question is, what is it about this process that makes these people so willing to learn and how the hell do I apply that to modern education?

There's something there, I can almost taste it... Kids today simply don’t learn in the same manner that even my generation did. There’s more then the fact that they’re having fun. I’ve been on some incredibly un-enjoyable raids but I learned things about the game (subject matter) that was relevant to my role and goals. This made my experience in the long run more rewarding, just like education should be. So… what is it?

Cookie? I dunno... okay.. sure... om nom nom.

2009-02-20T04:51:27Z

If you can't tell from the title I'm in an odd mood. I get these once in a while, most notably when I'm happy, sometimes when I'm sad, but always when I've heard the siren call of inspiration. I've spent a lot of time in the last few years feeling broken and without a clear focus in my life. I'm sure some of you have noticed it. I've started projects, let them fall by the way side, pick up the next new shiny and repeat the process. I'm sorry if that's made people angry, hurt, or felt ignored, that was never ever the intent.

Thing is, I'm changing again (still would be more accurate actually), the changes have just started to come to the surface now. I R a work in progress. There's a lot of things I could say, but I think, tonight I'm only going to mention a few of them. Actually, I haven't figured most of it out yet. :D

It's funny how I've always hated being anywhere near the spotlight. I know that as a child, I loved it. Heh. Ask my Mom sometime about it, she's got lots of stories about me and loves telling them. At some point though, I lost touch with that part of myself and though I try, I've never really managed to find it again. Truth is, I'm actually really shy. I hide it behind a mask of bravado and humor but the truth is I can't stand being the focus of attention. I know that isn't the way I appear to be, I work hard to make sure that it doesn't show. If you were to ask me, I certainly wouldn't list "Confident" amoung my virtues. Tasks I've done a thousand times over, become awkward the moment I know someone is watching. It pains me to think about it actually.

>.<

Anyway.

o.o

How has this changed? Really hasn't. I'm still shy and I probably always will be. What has changed is that I'm not embarrassed to admit that I'm a naturally shy, quiet person. It has it's uses as well as it's tribulations. What has also changed is that I don't feel that the bravado and humor I spoke about earlier is actually a mask. It might have been in the beginning, almost 15 years ago, when I first started putting it on but now, it's a part of me. It is me and you know what? I like that far more then thinking I've wasted all that effort to wear a face that isn't my own. While "Confident" isn't number one on my list of the personal virtues that I posses it's finally made it on there.

So.. erm... I hate trying to figure out how to end posts like these. Its like we expect ourselves to post this profound moral summary about what we just posted. I don't have one and honestly, I don't think I need one....

>.o

I claim no responsibility for this...

2009-01-10T02:08:22Z

umm... this was posted on a website I frequent and I found it kinda funny.

Holiday Season Intermission

2008-12-27T19:19:10Z

Seeing as we're about half way through the holiday season (yes I know some of you had to go back to work yesterday...shhhsh. ;) ) I figured I'd post how mine has been so far. If I was to describe it with only two words, they would be "Unforgettable" and "Amazing". It's been a very long two (I think) years since the disastrous Holiday Season that witnessed the beginning of the end of my marriage. Except for the time spent with my family, both my blood and my like-blood, joy has felt like it was in short supply over the Holidays these last few years.

That's changed. The Solstice was awesome and convinced me that I'm right where I should be. Although I wish that I had been able to spend my birthday with everyone who loves me, the day spent with angelsorayama and her Nephilim was everything I had hoped for and more. My family, again both blood and like-blood, also gave me a great gift on my birthday as well. They gave me the gift of freedom to be with angel and her nephilim and didn't allow me to feel guilty about not being with them as well. tall_man , finaira ,king_of_light , and ladylakira thank you for understanding and I'm sorry I missed our Solstice Dinner. celticcrone , you and Dad have always been so supportive. Thank you.

Yule/ Christmas was likewise wonderful. From setting up the little tree in my apartment with angelsorayama on Christmas Eve, to watching the Nephilim opening their gifts and spending the morning with them and their Mom, to the afternoon and dinner with my family and angel and the nephilim. The laughter, the joy, it felt so good to feel that again at all times this Season, not just when I'm with those special people.

Hey, it's sappy but so very true.

Changling: The Lost Ficlit (Warning... long)

2008-12-15T04:10:13Z

This is a bit of fic that I wrote for a Changling: The Lost game that I play in called 54 Reasons. My character is a Draconic Fairest, who was a Gladiator of sorts in Arcadia and a Nercotics Officer before he was taken. It's about 7 pages long... fair warning.

Beads of sweat slowly ran down his scarred and glyph tattooed torso as he knelt in a resting position in the center of his apartment trying to control his breathing, Sun and Earth Hammers laying at his side. His chest heaved in and out as he fought to control his breath and slow his rapidly pounding heart. As of late, he had increased the intensity of his training sessions, pushing himself to the physical limits of his body in an effort to forget. Two days without sleep, pausing only to drink and occasionally eat. Where drugs and alcohol had failed, perhaps physical exertion would succeed.

The shadows in the room slowly began to grow as the sun went down outside. As they grew larger more and more of the Fairest’s physique slipped into the darkness until there was nothing visible, not even a figure in the shifting darkness.

A rattle of chain and the sound of something heavy being dragged slowly against the hardwood floor was the only sign of movement until the slow whistling rattle of chain in motion filled the room. For fifteen minutes, it was the only sound in the gloom. Then a ragged sounding breathing floated out of the shadows to accompany the whistling rattle.

Forty-Five minutes later, the sound of the chain slowed and faded as the ragged breathing increased. His body reaching the point of exhaustion, Sean slowly crumpled to the ground breathing hard. He reaching for the water bottle, knocking it over, and as the water spilled out of the top his vision went black.

**************

The Dragon within roared as it tasted blood in his mouth. His ears rang with the sounds of steel against steel and steel against flesh. The burning sand seemed to melt into his skin and scorch his open wounds, as he lay prone and face first in it. In agony he lifted his head and stared upwards at the covered awning and the figures seated beneath it, they’re features obscured by the blazing sun behind it. The rolling sound of voices in pain, victory, and blood lust rose to a roar as a shadow fell across his face. His eyes focused on the figure now standing before him, framed by the light of the sun, before resting on the blade in the figure’s hand. A frustrated snarl escaped his lips, the blood and sweat stained sand tasting bitter with defeat on his lips as he watched the blade descend and felt it’s edge bite deep.

The shock of the intensity of the vision and the cold water reaching his face woke Sean abruptly. As he lay there, his body shaking, the man who once was Sean Hayes closed his eyes tightly and whispered, “Why?” A violent rage, the dragon's rage, settled across his mind like an ocean-bred storm, dark, towering, and unrelenting. Savagely he repressed the need to rend and tear. When the shaking subsided, Sean stood and walked towards the small rolled glass windows of the apartment. Crossing his arms, Sean watched the street below as he gathered the shadows in the room around him almost as an after thought.

“This can’t continue...” Suddenly, he lashed out, shattering the quiet and the remnants of a life that he didn't want and never really would be his. As the tears rolled down his cheeks, he gave in to the dragon in his veins for the first time since crossing the Hedge. Lightning flashed, the wind howled, and outside a spring rain began to wash away the grime and snow as a bestial roar echoed down into the alleyway.

**************

The sun shone brightly through the tattered remains of dark cloud from the storm the night before. Sitting in one of New York’s many smaller parks and eating a hot dog, Sean watched the people. He watched the people walking, playing chess, laughing, talking, loving, and living. He watched the children running and screaming with joy, feeling the change of the seasons more acutely then the adults around them. He smiled as watched a young man and woman walk past him on his bench with his hot dog and Fanta holding hands.

“He would have been about his age.” Sean said to himself as the couple continued down the sidewalk, laughing as some of the playing children ran between them momentarily separating them. Almost without thinking about it, the young couple reached out for one another before looking into each other’s eyes and sharing a passionate, though brief kiss.

“His age….” His voice echoed in his own mind. Unbidden, the memory came to him. He had gotten home late; the lights in the small brick house he had worked so hard for, were out. Sarah would have put Nicholas to bed hours ago, and having long ago become used to the rotation that saw Sean occasionally pulling graveyard shifts at the precinct. She was likely also asleep in their bed, dreaming of the day when Sean would be promoted.

He was tired, but tomorrow was the beginning of a three-day break from work and his first real time off in months. Sean smiled as he walked up the three steps to his front door and put his key in the lock. A small shock jolted through the key and up into his arm a split second before the force of the explosion threw him across the street and into the side of the van parked there. Sean forced himself to his feet and half ran, half fell his way back towards the inferno that raged consumed the little brick house.

Alex, his firefighter neighbor that lived two doors down ran out of his house at the sound of the explosion and saw Sean struggling to make it to the door. Experience told him without a glance that Sean’s wife and son were already dead. Alex intercepted Sean and held him as tight as he could as Sean raged and cried, screaming out for his family. Tears falling down his face, Alex fought to save the only life he could.

Coming back to himself, Sean watched the young man and his girlfriend continue to walk away, his hot dog forgotten. The dragon awoke and tasted grief and hate as the words of the fire investigator and his Lieutenant echoed in Sean's ears. “It was an accident Officer Hayes....”

**************

Sean pummeled his opponent with barely contained force. The practice dummy rocked and shuddered beneath the punishment Sean unleashed. His intensity had both granted him a wide berth from the other individuals in the Dojo as well as few impressed onlookers. The onlookers talked quietly together in the corner, occasionally looking up in response to a vicious punch or kick that rocked the practice dummy so hard that it squealed as the bolts holding the dummy in place strained to keep it there. A loud crack echoed in the Dojo as one of the bolts snapped. Heads turned in his direction, more then a few displaying looks of concern, others with awe, and from the group who had been watching, satisfaction.

Sean lowered his hands and stood staring at the practice dummy for a few moments, a look of distaste on his face. The image of his old Lieutenant’s face faded to be replaced with the dummy’s generic blue foam one. He grabbed the towel and water bottle from the shelf near where he had been working out and wiped the sweat away before taking a long drink.

Turning away from the practice dummy area Sean walked over to his bag. He reached inside and carefully removed his Sun and Earth Hammers from within it. More then a few people looked at the weapon with interest. Those few who recognized it for what it was, including the group in the corner, just waited.

Sean walked to a large clear space designated in the Dojo for weapon’s training and placed his towel and water bottle down on the outside of a marked circle on the padded floor. Rolling his shoulders and neck, he walked into the center of the circle and spent a few minutes warming up the rest of his muscles in preparation. Raising the Hammer to a starting position, he began to move.

He started with the simple maneuvers, spinning the hammers around his body as he warmed up. Suddenly he snapped the smaller hammer out at an imagined opponent in a strike that would have crushed bone. Deftly he pulled back on the chain and brought the hammer head back into a spinning motion that rotated it around his torso and back under control. As the complexity of his strikes, blocks, and feints increased Sean found himself once again remembering….

**************

Six months. His wife and son had been laid to rest side by side six months ago. Their horrible deaths had twisted their remaining features into unrecognizable masses of charred flesh and bone. The news had called their death a tragic and avoidable accident. The little boy must have been playing with the leaver that turned on the gas fireplace, the igniter had failed, and Sarah had failed to detect the scent of Gas due to a sinus infection. His wife and son had gone to sleep never knowing that when they closed their eyes they would never awaken. Thankfully, the Medical Examiner had said, they died painlessly and before the fire had started. It was a needless death, but at least they hadn’t suffered.

Sean had been placed on compassionate leave and while he still came into the precinct, he was considered off –duty. Before the deaths of his family, he had been working on a case involving a small crime boss named Jesse Fortuna. Fortuna had claimed that he had “big time connections” and that anyone who screwed with him would pay. Sean hadn’t given the matter any serious consideration the day he arrested Fortuna on drug trafficking charges. Fortuna was small time, more of an under-boss then anything else but when he had been placed in the holding cell, Sean thought that the criminal had made eye-contact with him and mouthed the words “You’re Doomed.”

He had mentioned it in his report to Lieutenant Samivoch but the Lieutenant had blown it off as unlikely but had still sent a few Uniforms to watch his home while he was at work. Then news came that Fortuna had been strangled by his cell mate for stealing his cigarettes. The Uniforms were re-assigned to other duties and Sean and Sarah had breathed a sigh of relief. They should have been holding their breath.

A week after Fortuna’s death, Sarah and Nicholas were dead. The investigation was thorough but brief, and Sean was being forced to speak with the Psychologist that worked with the Police Force. He blamed himself, the fact that their deaths had been listed as Accidental changed nothing in his mind. Doomed... he had thought that Fortuna had meant that he was a dead man. Now every fiber in his being told him that he was wrong. His doom wasn't to die, oh no, that would be too easy. Fortuna's doom meant more then that. It meant losing the two things that meant more to him then his life...

As the Sun and Earth hammers whistled through the air, tears streamed down Sean's face mixing with the beads of sweat already there. Had he not been lost to his memories, he would have noticed the small group of men in the corner share a long look between them. As it was, lost to his grief, pain, and hopelessness Sean didn't notice his own tears.

**************

“You're good.” The younger of the two men with sandy hair had left the group in the corner and had approached Sean as he wiped his face on his towel.

Sean raised an eyebrow. “Didn't realize I had an audience.” He said as he hung the towel around his neck and paused to take a drink.

“Well... there are few people talented enough to use those hammers, let alone be as good as you seem to be.” Sean grunted in response. “Look, there's a club. A very exclusive club.” The young man's voice was strangely intent, almost passionate. “A place where people like you can make a lot of money.”

“Not interested. Thanks.”

The young man shrugged and held out a business card. “Take it. Think about it. Every Tuesday, that address. Show the door man the card, tell them Atrius invited you.”

Sean stared at the card for a moment before taking it. “No promises.”

“Be seeing you Sean.” The young man said confidently and walked away without waiting for a response.

The weekend passed, as had Monday, the business card sat where Sean had left it on his nightstand when he returned from the Dojo. He hadn't given the card, the club, or Atrius a second thought as he had gone about his business. As the sun rose on Tuesday, Sean looked down at the card as he climbed out of bed. He shook his head to clear it of the left over fog of sleep, showered, and got dressed but as he put on the Claddagh ring that Sarah had given him as a Groom gift on their wedding day the card caught his eye. The dragon stirred.

“What the hell.” Sean said as picked up the card, through on his Jacket and messenger bag, and walked out the door into the sunlight.

**************

“Good to see you Sean!” The young man said as he met Sean on the steel mesh platform suspended from the ceiling the recessed floor area filled with sand. “We were hoping that you would come. Did you have any trouble finding the address?”

“A little, it's not as if you have a sign out front you know.”

Atrius smiled. “No, that would make business difficult. Come, let me show you around.” Sean and Atrius walked down a set of stairs to another platform and over to a long bar staffed by attractive young men and women wearing little more then a shred of fabric and a smile. “We service an elite crowd, Sean, Men and women who enjoy excess in all things, even conflict.” He handed Sean a Red Bull and Vodka before taking his own drink. “They come to watch, to bet, some even come to participate.” Atrius leaned against the bar. “Some of our clientèle become patrons or even lovers of our … employees.”

Sean took a drink and looked down at the sanded area. “What like mixed martial arts?”

“There's some of that, but the real money comes from the Pit Fighting. No holds barred contests between warriors bearing melee weapons of all kinds of varieties and styles.” The excitement in Atrius' voice was unmistakable.

Sean managed to keep the distaste and more importantly, the interest, out of his voice. “Gladiatorial combat.”

Atrius smiled softly. “Of a kind, yes. There are no beasts, unless you count the men themselves. Each fighter is rated on a Tier and in order to reach the next Tier a warrior has to defeat someone from the team above. You can't challenge below your own Tier but you can always challenge above it.” Atrius took another sip from his drink. “The warriors are paid a flat rate plus a bonus if they beat their opponent. Challengers get less of a bonus then the challenged, that way it's in the challenged best interest to beat the challenger. There are other benefits, but those come in the way of gifts from our patrons.” Atrius winked. “If you're good enough to catch attention that is.”

“Has anyone died?”

Atrius' face was a study in compassion. “Sadly, yes, but there have been few of them. The club employs some of the best private doctors in the state and there's a trauma room of such quality in the building it would make a HMO jealous.” He finished his drink and put it on the bar. “So?”

“I'm not interested.” Sean said flatly.

“You're lying, I can see it in your eyes.” Atrius said pleasantly. “That's okay. More then a few warriors come here and say the same thing. Some join, others leave. The only thing we ask is that you don't mention this to anyone else.” His voice had turned cold and deadly but then warmed again as he continued. “Stay as my guest Sean. Watch a few contests and see for yourself. I think you could work magic here.”

“Sure.” he said it without heat.

**************

The roar of the crowd was everything he remembered, sweeping him up like a wave and carrying him up over the battle. Surrounded by men and women in expensive clothes who bought them drinks and made conversation with him in between the matches. People that treated him like someone important, someone worth while. Like a gentle wave lapping at his limbs on a sun kissed shore, their attentions lured the dragon out into the water where the roaring waves picked him up and brought him playfully back to shore only to lure him out again. By the end of the night, Sean found himself standing at Atrius' side again, the young woman who had attached herself to him and kept him company through out the evening regretfully leaving his side.

“I'm in.” Sean said quietly, the roar still in his mind.

“Good. Come in Tuesday, bring your weapons. We'll provide whatever style of armour you prefer but the weapons are your responsibility.” Atrius finished his cigar and handed Sean a wad of bills. “Your first bonus.” As Sean looked at the small roll of bills as Atrius walked towards the stairs. “Make magic for me Sean.”

The dragon in Sean's veins smiled and uncoiled and stretched it's limbs, tasting the scent of battle and of blood in Sean's nostrils. This wasn't the place of it's birth, but it would do...

**************

Three weeks later, Sean walked into Ned's office, a slight smile on his face and new designer cloths on his back. “New job?” Ned asked after staring for a moment.

“Yup. Good one too. Good pay, good benefits.” Sean smiled and took a seat across from Stevie, stretching out somewhat languidly as he did so.

“Hope you'll still be up for working at the club Sean, when we open it that is.”

“Sure.” Sean said without heat. He wasn't sure that he cared anymore. The dragon in his veins smiled and so did Sean.

“Good.” Ned looked down at the pile of papers on his desk, his tail twitching. He looked at the rest of the motley and started talking but Sean soon stopped paying attention. He had made the Second Tier last night and the celebrations afterwards had left him heady and satisfied. As he stretched again, Sean failed to notice the spotted line of dark red that had begun to reveal itself across the white t-shirt he was wearing.

My re-introduction to Neil Gaiman after Good Omens

2008-12-05T20:01:32Z

I've been re-introduced to Neil Gaiman (thanks to angelsorayama and arabidmouse ) having already read his collaborate work with Terry Pratchette, Good Omens and having seen Stardust. I've read American Gods and Neverwhere and enjoyed both books now (Ananasi Boys and the Illustrated Stardust are both waiting in the wings).

Keeping in mind that Neverwhere was his first book, and I believe, that American Gods is his latest work, it's interesting to see the evolution in his writing. One of the things that left me feeling unfulfilled about Neverwhere was that while the character of Richard ends up coming full circle by the end of the book, we leave the character and the world of Neverwhere without getting to see him come into his own following his choice to return to London Below. His old life resolves in the last chapter of the book yet other things are left hanging or incomplete.

I believe that Richard's obvious attraction to Laima and to Door would be a great starting point to a prologue in Neverwhere or what would be even more satisfying, a second Neverwhere book. In addition, the whole implied prophecy/importance of the Hunter/Warrior mythos that Gaiman hints at with Richard becoming the Warrior persona would also make for a fantastic read given Gaiman's obvious skill.

Who is the Warrior? What is he supposed to achieve? What is the story behind Hunter and Serpentine and is there a correlation to any of the other Seven Sisters and the Warrior? These are all question that I would love to read more about to see where Gaiman would take Richard and the other supporting characters.

In American Gods, (which is a great concept by the way, Kudos to you Mr. Gaiman) Shadow's resolution is much more satisfying to me. Not only does the character come full circle while resolving the main plot of the Novel but he has much more of a detailed coming into his own.

As readers, we're not left as much in the dark about how Shadow begins his new life and thankfully a large amount of what could have been unresolved or unanswered is put together in the final few chapters of the book. The question regarding how much being brought to North America affected the Gods was answered, but only in a satisfactory way for me, during the scene with Greenland's (or was it Iceland's?) version of Shadow's father, Odin.

My only other complaint/observation about these two books is related to the fact that Gaiman gives us so much information, so many incidental characters, that as well as leading to the above observations, the beginning or establishment of story/main plot in these two novels struck me as dry and somewhat overwrought. Too much development in these areas means that some things that might inspire the reader to want "more" or know "more" invariably get left unanswered and unresolved yet could be easily without a second or even third novel.

Neil Gaiman is obviously a wonderful writer who seems to effortlessly turn a phrase and inspire others with his imagination. He's a font of bubbling creativity who's only real fault as a writer that I can see is that he gives us so much he can't help but leave some things unfinished at the end of his books due to the massive quantity of interesting and wondrous characters, settings, and teasers he injects into his storytelling.

If there would be one thing I would ask of him as a reader to an author would be that if he hasn't already (and is sitting on the manuscript) that he finish the tale he started for Richard in Neverwhere. As I mentioned earlier, American Gods ended in a satisfactory way leaving only a little bit of a feeling that there was more to tell there.

As an author Neil Gaiman has matured and fulfilled the promise that was so obvious in Neverwhere. I'm going to look forward to reading more of his books.

Bus Natterings... Music/song

2008-12-03T23:57:52Z

One of the wonderful things about having to bus to St. Albert is that you have a large amount of time to sit and think. Today has been no exception.

This morning I was thinking about music and how how it affects us and how it represents us culturally and as individuals.

There is, if one chooses to hear it, a story in every vocal and instrumental piece that speaks to us. Sometimes the meaning is lost in allegory and metaphor, other times it's clearly presented but regardless, it's there.

I find myself wondering if music was the ancestor of language or it's inheritor. Did proto-man lift his head first in song to communicate his wants, needs, and desires? Did the sounding of crude drums call them to war or to meetings?

I guess we'll never really know for sure but the beat of drums stirs something deep and the sound of a human voice raised up bearing emotion can invoke powerful reactions as well.

Just something to think on I guess.

Text Story...

2008-11-10T17:18:31Z

Hey Technophiles,

I just converted this for work.... but here's the original

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/rives_tells_a_story_of_mixed_emoticons.html

Back online. ;) and thanks

2008-11-03T19:30:36Z

I'm up and running again. Just in time for lunch. Almost everything is unpacked and set up. ;)

So on that note:

Thank you to Pat for the use of his truck and for moving me. Also thank you to Crash, Linette, Levi, Laura, Owen, and Johnny for the use of their arms and backs, their organizational skills, and good humor.

I really appreciate it. :)

Moving Day and Outta Touch

2008-11-02T01:43:21Z

So tomorrow I move. Yay for moving!

Those of you who are willing to help and can get to my parent's place (1 sorrel crescent, st.albert) please be there for 10:30. I will just be getting back with the key to the elevator. I'm hoping that we'll only have to do one trip *crosses fingers* but we might need to do two depending on the number of additional vehicles that'll be here.

As soon as we're done packing up the vehicles, it's off to the new Apartment (Oak Tower - 11635 102 Ave). If all goes well we should be there around 11:30.

Thank you everyone who's coming out to help. I really, really appreciate it. :)

Tall_Man, I'm not going to be able to make it to the game tonight. It's 20 to 8 and I still have about 3 hours of stuff to do at home. Sorry about that.

If anyone has any problems, please give me a call on my cell. 780-238-2522. My apartment number is 504.

Again, thank you everyone!

Also, I won't have internet until Monday morning but I will turn on my phone msn.

Oiche Shona Shamhna!

2008-10-31T19:55:31Z

Or for those of you who don't speak Gaelic... "Happy Samhain!"

This is the world I live in... what about you?

2008-10-24T20:42:04Z

a215.v47369f.c47369.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/215/47369/v0001/sonybmgsftp.download.akamai.com/34732/promommxnonflash/GMM_Rome_DidYouKnow_300.wmv

*The file wants to open in Windows Media Player...

That's right... I'm part of the future... working in one of the jobs that didn't exist until after 2004 and the only at the post-secondary level. I'm the first of my kind (at least in alberta) at the High School Level.

The world is changing... and I'll be damned if it doesn't excite me....

Bring it...

Moving on Nov. 2

2008-10-23T14:29:51Z

So yeah, I r movin' to my own apartment on Sunday Nov 2. I'm moving to Oak Towers on 116st and 102 Ave, about one block North & West from the Druid Pub. Now, I know I'm moved a lot in the last few years but if anyone would be willing and able to help me move that would be terribly awesome. Being that I didn't take very much with me with Amanda and I split I don't have all that much to move.

I'm going to try and move my Bed and Dresser (still in boxes) and a few other things on Nov 1st in the afternoon once I pick up my Keys. So the move itself really should take too long. I'll be scheduling the elevator tomorrow when I sign my lease so I'll know what time the move will happen on the 2nd then.

After the move is finished I plan to provide foodstuff and refreshments for anyone who would like to give me a hand. ;)

So if you can give me a hand.. I would love you forevah and feed you (om nom nom) o.0

Outreach Conference and Staff Retreat

2008-10-02T14:34:39Z

Well... I'm about ready to head off to Red Deer for the conference and staff retreat. I'll be gone likely until Sat Afternoon but probably won't be much for anything except hanging out and relaxing Sat night. I'll have internet access (apparently) while I'm there so I'll be online off and on. Take care all and have a good Thurs - Sat.

Finally a male lead that's worth singing...

2008-09-27T17:29:21Z

Seems celtic influence is everywhere if you just open your eyes...

Thanks for the Link Angel.

Hitting the wall...

2008-09-14T20:55:19Z

Everyone has stress in their life, has to wrestle their own deamons, and in the end has to find a way to make peace with the turmoil that comes with being a living, breathing, feeling entity. Some have a relatively easy time with it, other battle constantly with it, but most of us go through cycles of calm and cycles of storm.

To be honest I'm not sure what's worse but I can tell you something... when you hit the wall it seems to me that you've got two choices. Break through to the other side or shatter to pieces from the impact. Both results suck in my opinion. It would be better to avoid that wall in the first place but I guess sometimes we're simply not smart enough, or have enough foresight to see it coming.

In your place I'd be sitting here thinking. "That's very philosophical, so what's it mean?" Well, it means I've hit the wall full force. With everything that's been going on in my life in the last two months I've reached my breaking point. I've had enough. I'm worn down, spread too thin, tired, and heartsick. I'm trying to deal with the high and exacting demands of my job, the continuing illness and medical issues of a woman that I love and the resulting fall out, my own personal frustrations (of which I'm not getting into), and a sense of loss I can't exactly explain.

I'm not looking to cause drama. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. While this is a call for attention it's a notice, not a plea. It's me letting off pressure and taking stock of my situation not a rally cry for friends and associates to take care of my issues for me. It's an explanation to the people I love and to those I know.

Sometimes I'm far better with the written word then I am the spoken.

I'm not opening up this post to discussion. If people want to talk to me there are other, better mediums to discuss this over. Until then...

Slow and Steady, Dark and Vicious ....

2008-09-11T18:27:25Z

Artist: Within Temptation
Album: The Heart of Everything
Song: The cross

Nothing´s ever changed, you still turn away
You´ve washed your hands, you´ve made that all too clear
You just keep on living this lie

You refuse to see, you´re denying me
the cross I bear but you don´t seem to care
Even Judas knew he had lied

I keep wondering why
I´m still calling your name through my tears

Why have you waited to embrace me my dear?
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
I´m still wondering why
I´m still calling your name my dear

I´m sorry if you can´t stand the naked truth
All you see is how you want it to be
So you keep on living your life

Release me from this cross after all these years
Oh call my name and help me with this weight
Even though it comes far too late

I keep wondering why
I´m still calling your name through my tears

Why have you waited to embrace me my dear
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
I´m still wondering why I´m still calling your name
and I wonder, oh I wonder...

In my heart I still hope you will open the door
You can purify it all, answer my call

Why? Why?

Why have you waited to embrace me my dear?
Cold is your silence, denying what is real
I´m still wondering why I´m still calling your name
and I wonder, oh I wonder...

In my heart I still hope you will open the door
You can purify it all, answer my call

Updates

2008-09-08T01:33:52Z

I used to do these all the time and for some reason I stopped. I haven't the slightest idea why I stopped but I'm going to start doing this again.

The first week of the new school year. Talk about crazy. Students needing help, teachers needing help, parents needing help, everyone needing help with one thing or another. It's enough to drive a person around the bend and back again. I do have to admit, I'm enjoying the job and the challenge it offers. I just have to start looking at educational possibilities in the future (maybe next year).

I've been taking a bit of a break from everything that didn't actively require my attention and reduced my involvement in those things that did. It's been a good thing, time to heal and time to reflect. To those whose feelings have been hurt by my lack of involvement or my absence lately, please understand that it isn't about you. It's about me and my own needs and ways. Please don't take offense.

Hmmm.. on that note, I'll be attending Tai Chi classes Mondays and Wednesdays here in St. Albert. I'm actually really excited about this. I need both exercise and a stress/tension release and from what I've read, Tai Chi is a great way to do both.

Other then that, my plans for the week are pretty quiet up until Sat. This coming Saturday I plan to go the Celtic Festival in Edmonton. I've already invited a number of people, and anyone who wants to go is free to come but you'll have to get your own tickets.

That's pretty much it for now.

Edmonton Celtic Fesitval

2008-08-04T19:42:41Z

http://www.celticfestivaledmonton.com/

I think that this is going to be a really good Time, and as such, I'm thinking about going. Celtic music, beer, dancing... how could one say no?

Anyone else interested?

Heritage Days

2008-08-02T22:59:06Z

Ok ... so since no one else has said anything...

Shani and I are going to meet Rory at his place around 10am (as long as Rory is available to go that early).. we're then going to catch the bus to Heritage Days. Anyone else is welcome to go with us or meet us at the park later. Well be there until sometime in the afternoon.

Sound good?

Dining with Daemon's DH style

2008-07-30T17:58:17Z

Ok folks, here's the question. Are we canceling DH to go to Heritage Days? I have no issue going Sat or Mon in exchange to get some more time in with the game?

What say you?

DH Repost ...

2008-07-17T14:56:55Z

Ok... so apparently people were unable to see the post I put up on Tuesday about DH. So here it is, in all it's glory ... again. :)

Well I think my batteries are recharged enough to be up for running DH again this sunday assuming a few things.

1) People want to play
2) TallMan is willing to host.

Let me know kiddies.

Just something ...

2008-07-09T22:07:55Z

A while ago, I was having a difficult time in my life. I hurt, I hated, and I times I wondered why I bothered caring about things. Now, some of my friends are having difficult times in their life and I find myself unable to find the right words of wisdom, or advice in the moment. I wrote something, some may have already read it, others I know haven't but I offer it here and now. Maybe reading it will help them find that moment of peace or clarity that I found while writing it.

For you ...

People are like stones in a stream. We begin life as a part of something larger and tumble into the flowing waters. For the most part we rest at the bottom as life rushes around us.

Once in awhile truly wonderful or truly terrible things happen that shake us from our place and casts us tumbling along with the water. Pieces of us break off as we crash into other stones and those pieces fall away revealing a new side of ourselves; one we didn't know before. Now we're jagged and rough where we once were rounded and smooth. To those who see us we must appear a little strange; this stone mostly smooth and rounded with a part that's jagged and rough.

On and on the water takes us tumbling until, eventually, we come to rest at the bottom of the stream again. As the water flows around us, the rough and jagged edges get worn down until we are rounded and smooth again. We're still the same and yet we've changed in such a way that we can never be the same again.

On and on we go passing through periods of resting at the bottom of the stream and periods of tumbling through the turbulent waters that is the stream, bumping and crashing with little pieces of us breaking off until finally we reach the Sea.

There are days I curse the rushing waters and the situations that cause me to go tumbling and break off parts of myself but in the end, when I finally reach the Sea, maybe I'll be just a pebble. I'll be at my core and then I can truly say I've lived and that in itself is an amazing blessing.

The good, the bad, the ugly all about DH

2008-07-05T15:15:31Z

The good news is I'm almost over the rocket, kick my ass, virus I developed on Canada Day. It, was ugly. So ugly in fact I missed two days of work because of it and my chest is still full of ick. The bad news is that I'm completely unprepared to run Dark Heresy this Sunday. I'm just not thinking fast enough and find it difficult to focus with the meds. I wouldn't object to doing something else or still getting together but running a game? No, not this weekend.

Sorry guys. If people wants to hang out let me know...